As terrified as I am in the face of a very real threat to my ability to exist, I’m doing my best to be a source of positive energy to try to counter the negative.
A lot of people have become emboldened to believe that hate is okay. A lot of work and advancements that we have made in supporting peoples differences and letting everyone thrive as themselves, no matter who they are, has been destroyed overnight. A lot of fear is now happening, which is what those in power want and need to perpetuate their power. Fear kicks in a sense of self preservation to extent that people tend to just give into the immediate path of least resistance for them personally, which sometimes leads to the worst case as history has proven. Fear leads to infighting and communities that could be strong breaking up. Hate and causing people to be afraid is how so many of the past atrocities by those in power have come to happen. Countering hate with hate is how wars happen.
So, I’m terrified, but I’m not going to let the fear or hate win in my life. I’m not going to become a hateful person myself to counter it. I’m not going to spread fear. Being trans is about pushing past the fear of changing something that you hate about yourself despite the monumental impact you know you will have in your life and the hate you will receive. We choose to do this instead of doubling down on the bad parts of ourselves and being outwardly hateful which I know a lot of these people are doing right now. Giving up the bad parts of yourself and the negativity in your life leads to people being better to themselves, and to others.
The trans community has gone through a LOT of shit already, even outside the struggle of just existing as being trans, but I will persevere as I hope we all do. I’m sure we all thought we had been moving past all the shit the LGBTQIA+ community has historically gone through and were starting to move forward despite the usual isolated hate. I’m sure a lot of us assumed that people were aware of the threat and would not vote these people into power. Unfortunately hate has pushed forward again, and we have to push back if we want to survive. We are people, and not a political opinion or simple personal choice, and people need to see that. I’m sure they chose us not because they actually fear any aspect of us, but because we are such a minority that they think they can eliminate us and use it as a way to further their power. We have more that proven that we are not a threat to anyone, and we deserve to get the care we need. I know those if power don’t care, and actively choose to ignore facts to advance their power, but we need to keep fighting and keep going in opposition to whatever they may try to take away.
I’m never going back to the version of myself that I hated, and at the time, accepted others hate to fit in. I’m doing to do my best to show that I live through caring, compassion, and acceptance of others and embrace differences. I’m going to do my best to exist, and live my life to the fullest anyway in the face of hate.
I know worrying is not going to help, and that I cannot directly fix what is going to happen to the entire community. I know that being a source of safety and support is vital for my community although I know that I need to still take care of my own needs first, and can’t sacrifice my own well being trying to fix everything for everyone else. I know that knowledge is power, but I can only educate those that want to learn. I also know that politicians, even on the left, are not going to do anything that they would not do anyway so lobbying them to change their path is not going to help. There are certainly people in our corner that are fighting the legal fights so finding and and supporting them directly would help. As a trans person, the best I can do on a daily basis is keep going, and keep being a trans person despite what is going on. I can keep being a good person, and showing my community that I am.
Above all though, no matter how tired I am, I’m never going to just lie down.
Resistance is the key to change as it always has been in the LGBTQIA+ community. If you tell me I can’t be who I am, I am going to publicly be more of myself. If you tell me I can’t have medical care I need, I will find it and help others find ways to get it anyway. If you tell me I can’t use the restroom, I’m going to calmly use it anyway and show that you are the true threat. If your communities hate pushes you out, I will welcome you into mine and we will build up a community that pushes the hate out. If they tell me I can’t exist in public, I will work to help our entire community become very public…
Keep going, do not change the path you are on even if there are new obstacles, and don’t let anyone tell you you can’t be who you truly are. Love will win in the end.
