There is a lot going on, and it would be so much easier if I simply stopped caring, like most everyone else in the world seems to have done, but that is not who I am. If something is shitty, even if just for me, I want to make it better. When it comes to my job, after a bad interaction with my boss in the midst of all my recent personal and medical issues, where I decided to retire early to van life in a couple years, I spiraled as I do, but also decided to speak up and try to change things that I saw were problems, and were challenges from a neurodivergent perspective, as the fear of speaking up kinda went away. I could have just not cared and not be sick today from stress, and fade back into a shitty isolated place I’m so tired of, but I fucking care. I fought, but as strong as I am, I’m just so tired, it’s a fight I know I cannot win, and it’s a fight for a future I don’t actually want, so I sent in my resignation effective the end of the month. I’m not ready for full time van life yet, but maybe an extended vacation will help get me in a better place mentally.
The corporate IT world being the corporate IT world (even a non-profit is as corporate as it gets), I was abruptly locked out instead of being allowed to exit gracefully. That shattered me pretty bad as I at least wanted to say goodbye to some people and properly pack up the past almost 8 years of my life. I do have to say the HR director is an amazing person, and did everything she could to support me as did the other HR staff there.
As sad and scared as I am today, I am a strong bitch, and I know I’ll be just fine, eventually. At he moment I’m living from meltdown to meltdown. Also, as a witch, I truly feel the spirits and energies are guiding me, and in the right direction.
Will take a while to collect myself while my wrist heals then finish the final van needs for long term use. May or may not look for another job to get me back to the original 2 year plan as it will take that long to get to where the house can be sold. The eventual stop, my current goal, is to live in my van on the west coast, bike, and work in a little coffee shop, so, I’m going to make that happen.
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